World Speed Record 11-14 October 2002 (Stage
weekend saw the first pre-rallye events - standing start 1/4
mile drag runs, Salt flats land speed record (2cv) runs and
a variety of novelty competitions.
The Salt Flats are situated in Slough close to the site of the original Citroen
Factory. They are often used by motoring enthusiasts for impromptu speed trials
and standing starts. Being 'high rise' the residents get an excellent 'grandstand'
Will anyone be running on ethanol? We understand that Huile Végétale
(avec le splash de Napoleon) is going well in the current Welsh trials. The
only serious competition Mr Duck will have in the Drag Racing will come from
Tony White - he usually shows everyone a clean pair of heels.
wishes from the 'organisers'
11th October Keys to the Saxo Salt Flats,
Citroen Park, Slough, obtained from the caretaker. Course marked out,
special SaharaSandwiches date juice
drinks laid out and timing apparatus set up.
weather forecast, having been stuck on 'bone' dry for what seemed
like weeks predicted rain. The Speed records (Val Doonican LPs)
would have gone to normal 2CVs of course as they are light and
nippy but if it very wet diesel engines, chosen by boaters world
wide for their ability to 'chugg on' may have an advantage -
Car 35) Question "If all wheels are stolen while contestants
are asleep, does this really matter ? After all this is a virtual rallye
and progress will not be hindered by loss of wheels.?" (Answer) "No it doesn't really matter - it's a
virtual rallye which emulates real life and we all know that having your
wheels stolen is something we should take in one's stride. What's the
point of getting worked up? We will get to life's goal even if some twit
cuts us up on the Staines by-pass.
Our resident engineer recommends that you check for
bricks and if present where the wheels would have been these should
be removed before you set off. Get into top gear as soon as you
can as the smaller radius of you rims compared to your wheels will
have the effect of reducing your speed by 22/7 *r bar two. Remember
that you might be looking up, rather than down, if you stop to
speak to passers by, officials or whatever."
Saxo Salt Flats (Slough) Land Speed Record started at 12:00.
A damp start played havoc with the industrial cruets but the registered
competitors soon got warmed up
(accurate to +/- 2eupa)
donated by Catalyst Systems
Clockings were made visible from 13:00 (Salt got into the
start 1/4 mile Slough Saxo-Salt Flats land speed record (2cv) and novelty
competition run Results ....
#9 Peter Duck clocked at 422kmph (this unusually high speed requires
a blood sample - It has been suggested that #9 has salt in his blood and
may even secretly organise 'naval' exercises up his sleeves (dans les
Helen Roberts (#21) (Eyes for East Africa) mastered the minimisation
of wheel spin (notice that she smokes less than the rest of us - which
is a very good example. And residents in Saxo Salt Flats East complained
of terrible dandruff. "Could you spin your wheels less, stop pressing
several buttons at once to see which driver goes fastest or send in a
bottle of shampoo per team for distribution to SSFEB residents."
Helen clocked 248kmph.
(#24) is the other podium person with 245kmph.
A virtual yellow jersey was awarded stitched with the motto
"Slough Salt Flats World Speed Record 2002 - Novelty/Drag Winner/Standing
Start (delete not applicable)" (One each to those podia-ed) due to
the wet salt the runs had to be combined but the comments have been favourable
"I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference anyway" coming
from drivers and spectators alike.
Schumacher (pronounced Pschewmakker) waits till the last
minute before piping everyone and although he's not entering this year
someone might do a Michael before the clocking stops dead on 18:00 (+/-
quarter of an hour or so) - Nothing of this sort occurred
Roeder (#35) (enthusiast of the fabulous 'Afri-car' (more
later))has given the scrutineers information that some entrants will FINNISH
better than others over powdery surfaces. This is not outside the rules
- anything rubbery or of a pedantic nature will do - The rule is that
"if it has a tread it must be more than 1mm, things of different
sorts cannot enjoy the same axle at once and inflation should be with
air (or similar) at prescription levels unless flat tyres are being used".
Day Off - Enjoyed Duck Races
organised by the Fils de Vitesse .
14th October Andrew Thorne, an accomplished musician joins
the Rallye in a tasteful grey car. Andrew is taking a brass band with
him and two other cars are driven by musicians. #1 has Andrew Duff country
violinist and barn-stormer and Dick Roberts #3 a fuzz guitarist with an
amp that can be turned up to 11. Perhaps a concert en route? Jacques Delores!
Helen Roberts (#21) comments: Re...
#9 Peter Duckclocked
at 422kmph (this unusually high speed requires a blood sample - It has
been suggested that #9 has salt in his blood and may even secretly organise
'naval' exercises up his sleeves (dans les manches.).....
Helen: If he's ex naval there may be other things we should check (naval
daughter speaking) Did he save all his rum tots for example? Head and
Shoulders advised for dandruff problem
Organiser's reply (Thanks Helen you were right! tests have shown interesting
mixtures being used all over the UK - Chip Frying Oil in Wales (very detectable)
and Reme Martin in Surrey (very detectable) Peter was running on Rum &
Coke. The choice of white rum minimised the smell but lumps of unburnt
coke stood out like sore thumbs when we examined the salt flats in the
daylight this morning. There is no need for competitors to worry as everyone
will be running on three and a half star Rallyesudoline which is a 100%
organic fuel made from recycled stuff (details to be supplied), it has
a hint of Nitrous, on the advise of the dentists and drag stars who are
on the technical advice board.
Final note Salt Flats (Slough) Land Speed Record
The organisers were delighted to be able to present a
pair of disposable corner-cutters to all participants of the Salt Flats
event. These can be used once (twice at a pinch) at any time on the Rallye
proper or kept as heirlooms or used in a variety of business situations.
Under no circumstances should they be used on the M25 25 hour race next
A supply of novelty road signs was delivered and in addition
to the corner cutters the teams may take one each for use in the same
manner. Teams should note that other competitors can find a sign that
leads them in entirely the wrong direction, that is positioned to look
absolutely authentic and fits into the general reading of the terrain
is extremely annoying to drivers & crews that have been on a completely
useless, time consuming and tiring wild goose chase. Another good way
to annoy them is to superglue their wipers to their windscreen.
advised that teams are fully prepared for the Harwood obedience trials
coming up in ten days time. We will be passing through a number of countries
that have interesting and, at times, challenging, legal systems. Knowing
how to be obedient when it is necessary is your only hope.
I was asked if there is a briefing for navigators for Saturday's M25 run.
The French need clarification and keep tittering over signs saying 'soft
verge' - what's funny about that? The fact that you can go left OR right
worries some although those who see this as a treat to British Sovereignty
are worrying needlessly (I hope). Just send your questions using the stamp-addressed
envelopes on this page and we will strive to get any questions resolved
before the off.
< Scrutiny Progress >
Figure in red is current grid position
1 Andrew Duff GB Madhatters Q 6Engine (nice tune) 40 =5
2 Dave Shove GB Madhatters !
3 Dick Roberts GB Madhatters Q 5Fluids(star quality) half empty 50 =7
4 Barry Annells GB Madhatters Q !
5 Bill Harwood GB Madhatters Q
6 Yvette Asscher GB Madhatters Q Steering 4 bit vague 60 =11
7 Jukka Isomaki FIN Lying Fins Q 4 (Substance Mosquito-PEE detected) in
fuel 8 Nice finnish 80 =16
8 Alan Bee GB Assn Normal Q 2brakes (bechamel) 80 =16
9 Peter Duck GB Pompey Puddleducks Q 3 brakes (Hollandaise) 70 =13
10 Philip Nierop GB 2cvgb Q 5 pas mal Steering =7
11 Mick Thompson ECO Highland Raiders Q Upholstery 5 Kiltish 50 =7
12 Ulla Baagoe DK Danish Pastries Q !
13 Madamme X xxx !
14 Bob Cutler
GB Madhatters !
15 Andrew Thorne GB SAD Off Piste Ducks Q !
16 James McDonald GB Madhatters OK !
17 Gerry GB Madhatters Q TYres 9 Really rubbery 10 1
18 Emma GB !
19 Louise Northern GB Madhatters Q Breaks 8 good grip 20 =2
20 Jeff Colmer GB SAD Off Piste Ducks !
21 Helen Roberts EAK Eyes for East Africa Q Electrics 8 bright lights
22 Dave Farmar GB Madhatters Q Steering 4 too hard & stiff 60 =11
23 Colin Maitland GB Club Simply Q !
24 Wendy GB Pompey Puddleducks Q 6 reality suspension 40 =5
25 Roy & Joyce GB Wessex Ducks !
26 Zoe & Michael GB !
27 Alan & Sue Cole GB Madhatters Q !
28 Elaine GB Off Piste Duck Q !
29 Maurice GB 2cvGB !
30 Alison King GB Puddleduck Q 3 bookworm damage 70 =13
31 Gillian GB Puddleduck Q 7 friendly purr 30 4
32 Peter Kertesz GB Molar Assn Q Lights 5 Nice but dim 50 =7
33 Mark Whiting GB The Old Rovers Q 3 pulls to the right 70 =13
34 Adrian Winter NL The Doubles Q
35 Jim & Jill GB The Straight Liners
36 Pete Simper GB Thames Tortoises !
37 Mike Roeder USA Yankees Q